Goodbye Britain.

THE BRIEF


Glasgow
So last time we left off Pip and I were in Glasgow, hanging out with all the Glaswegians (or 'Weeds' as the Edinburghians like to affectionately cou*patronisingly*gh call them). Whilst struggling somewhat more then we thought we would with the Glaswegian way of speaking, we did manage to see some of the sites in the short three days we had. In short: various museums and galleries (Kelvingrove, Mackintosh, Hunterian, Mitchell Library, GOMA etc), Charles Rennie Mackintosh sites, Willow Tea Room and Glasgow School of Art inclusive... all of which doesn't necessarily mean a lot if you haven't been there.

What does mean something is that we got free whisky! At a whisky tasting!!! Which I embarrassingly had to hold in my mouth instead of swallowing, whilst stupidly nodding, as the taste-testing man asked me what I thought and explained the various tonations of flavour and levels of blah blah blah... get this stuff out of my mouth because I HATE whisky! Still, what's free is well, free.

But a trip to Glasgow wouldn't be a trip to Glasgow without one inadvertent trip into 'drug country' as our taxi driver lovingly described the destination he was dropping us off at or that incident where you just chose the dodgiest pub in town to have a few drinks at.... Thankfully we were saved by a few kind souls asking if 'we ACTUALLY knew where we were?' and advising that 'we should probably leave before it gets dark'.... hmmm...

Edinburgh

Nevertheless, Glasgow behind us and only Edinburgh (pronounced Edin-borough not Edin-burg as I so rudely found out) in front.... And if anyone hasn't seen Edinburgh before (don't jest, I honestly hadn't before I saw this view out of my bus window)...

Ok. So I slightly lie, because this is the Edinburgh castle, but you catch my drift. The whole of the Old Town is a World Heritage UNESCO site!

Nevertheless, here I was beckoned into the arms of a newly exam free Hannah Anglesey, to stay with her in her flat (thanks also to Cecilie, Kirsty and Claire her most generous housemates).

Here's the thing about Edinburgh. We liked it so much that we stayed longer then we intended. So we had a fabulous tour guide in young Hannah who had been, herself, on pretty much every tour Edinburgh offered. Point to a historical looking monument/sign/building and she would have some story of its origin (her knowledge, some say, knows no bounds).

Nevertheless we did a fair bit of sight seeing, walking up Arthur's Seat, the castle, the Royal Mile, gawking at people in quilts, eating haggis, galleries and the ghost tour that was disappointingly not scary in the slightest. 

Never mind all that, because we actually ended up making some great friends, which I can not to describe all in detail, but to say that we ate out French style, got down Underdog, had some REAL Italian and was a 'tourist in the kitchen', with healthy sprinklings of Italian, Norwegian, Scottish, Spanish and mostly definitely Swisse and had a great time (yes, you guessed it, we befriended foreigners in a foreign land, typical).

London

After bidding farewell in a hasty almost-miss-the-bus-you-typical-Haywood-you're-late-for-everything kind of style we had to leave Edinburgh, rest up on a 9 hour bus trip all the way back down South, to London town. Here we've been lapping it up in Patto's room that she has kindly lent us and hanging out with some fellow Australians... Other then that we've had wins in getting 45 pound tickets to the National Theatre for 10, catching up with Phoebe, a day-trip to Oxford where we saw some movie sets from Harry Potter as well as meeting up with some lovely couch surfers, going to the Saatchi's new exhibition and planning because I leave for TURKEY ON MONDAY! woot.

POINTS OF INTEREST

The Accent (The Scottish one that is)

I'll say it once and I'll say it again, no one can say it like the very best Mr. Robin Williams.

Seriously though, at some points I was not quite sure if what they were speaking was actual English!

The Weather (It's like we're on an awkward first date already)

Whilst we were undertaking these activities in Scotland, we found that the weather forecast often looked something like this:

And whilst we had imagined for ourselves a fabulous holiday of strolling around Scotland's streets with ease, jovially commenting on this historic landmark here, that public art work there...'oh would you like a spot of tea at that nice cafe????'' 'Oh yes I jolly well would'... fabulous fabulous... we actually found that everytime we ventured out of doors we were met with almost gail force winds that left us looking a little something like this:

Scottish Museum Staff 

Now you may think that I'm joking, but I swear on my cyber-space heart that this is actually the uniform that all the Museum staff in Scotland wear! Nuff said.

ART-WANK


A.K.A. things I would look up on the internet if I had a reliable access to it:

• Jeff Koons at Scottish Gallery of Modern Art
• Mike Figgis at the Tate Liverpool. Probably one of the most innovative and interesting attempts I've seen to seriously get a truly public audience involved in art. Figgis took some of the most iconic sculptures from the Tate Liverpool Collection and then put them in public places (ie. takes a Dan Flavin to a Primary School and puts Duchamp's Urinal in a public bathroom) and then asks the public to say what they think about it, films their response and shows it next to the original work in the gallery. Hilarious, but telling, responses ensue, such as 'I don't like it' and 'It's not art, art's supposed to be pretty'.
• FruitMarket Gallery, Edinburgh-Narcissus Reflected. A fantastic space in Edinburgh that for this exhibition looked at the changing interpretation of the story of Narcissus in art.
• Tino Sehgel-Transmission Gallery, Glasgow. Just astounded to see a Tino Sehgel being performed in Glasgow, the first of his works ever to make it's way to Scotland.
• Saatchi Gallery- especially the one permanent work by Richard Wilson, which is such a totally mind warp that I was left gobsmacked... but I don't want to spoil it for anyone. But I can't believe that this gallery is totally free!
• John Soane Museum
• THE TATE MODERN!!! The grand daddy did not disappoint. What a fabulous exhibition I had to go back twice to fit in all two floors of their permanent collection. Such a fantastic presentation of the particular strengths of their collection and the relationship between artists internationally. Favourites include: Vito Acconci documentation of performances, Taryn Simon exhibition, Cy Twombly and Do Ho Suh's staircase (pictured).

I can safely now saw that whilst I wasn't totally taken by Britain when I first arrived (possibly because it's just so similar to Australia), upon leaving I've realised that I have a little bit fallen in love with it (especially London). Britain, you will be sorely missed, except for your weather which is awful.

The First Installment

As promised... IN BRIEF... what's been going on...

So I actually left in what feels like forever ago, the 26th of April, with the whole Haywood clan, my travelling buddy Pip and some stragglers (Morey and Brenno) to the airport at 2am in the morning.

A cheeky stopover in Kuala Lumpur left us with enough time to meet up with Dan Condon, see the Petronas Towers, go to the Batu Caves, try to be sold millions of wooden sculptures/bowls/crap that we don't want and then head out of there.... Air Asia here we come...

Which, surprisingly wasn't so bad...

London

Nevertheless, we ended up in London, the three of us, looking totally bedraggled and tired and making our way over to Surrey to stay with some of Dan's friends from his 'GAP YEAR' (quote Sophie Jennings). Right next to the Chelsea Football Club, I might add, not bad.

Regardless, we hung around London long enough to see the Royal Wedding in Hyde Park. With Ed Robinson, some cheese and wine and some free cupcakes from some posh Londoners who took a liking to our Aussie accents we were in the prime position to see the 'kisses' on the balcony! awww...

Hanging around London for a few days I managed to see a hell of a load of art (more on that later), Harrods, Convent Gardens, the Tower of London, St Paul's Cathedral, The Only Way is Essex, the Millenium Bridge, the madness of Royalists and just crazy people alike and some of Patto's living room... rather then the crazy partying we had promised ourselves.

Liverpool
 
 Up to Liverpool and ahoy, we're staying with more of Dan's friends... the lovely Mr Will Gudgeon. Here we soaked up some Liverpoodlian sights such as the Beatles Museum, Tate Liverpool, Docks, Slavery Museum and lots of bars. Liverpool has around 5 Universities and therefore a huge night life for students and hugely cheap drinks deals. Beers don't come in pots and pints are around £1 at most places.

The Trek

So Liverpool was also the planning ground for our Great Trek... a trek to rival all others (namely Lesbian camp AKA Wilson's Prom spectacular) and the Overland. The trek was 70 miles over 6 days and bascially looked like this:

Stunning, isn't it? It runs right through the heart of the Lakes District from South to North. If I could say that I ever experienced the sublime, it was in the Lakes District.

The long and the short of it is that after 4 weeks of fabulous weather, the heavens opened and decided to rain a bit on us. Luckily our £20 tent kept us nice and dry and we didn't even need it when we stayed at Skiddaw House (below) the highest Youth Hostel in Britain! Minor detail: I actually got quite sick and so we couldn't finish the whole thing. Bugger.

 Now

So after finishing our trek and heading back to Liverpool we stayed a couple of nights there and now we're in Glasgow, just arrived after a rather long 7 hour bus trip.

So, that was supposed to the 'brief' part, but sorry, there was just too much to tell.

POINTS OF INTEREST

The Wedding: 'A Small Family Affair'-Wills...(shucks you joker)

The 29th of May showed to me, how crazy Britain really is. The day beforehand we walked up down the Mall (the road leading out of Buckingham Palace where some of the procession would be going) and it was madness. There were people camping out everywhere. Though I did see some of the best Royal Wedding merchandise which ranged from all manner of food item (see above) to masks of Kate, Wills and the Queen herself.
Sitting in Hyde Park the atmosphere was absolutely electric and it was awesome to see the spitfire fly above us (so close) after the ceremony. In the days after, I actually found myself getting caught up in the hype... I flipped through tabloid magazine reading about the comparatives times of the TWO kisses on the balcony... ! Woah two!... I religiously looked into the designer of the dress and watched the American news reports which had come in with lip readers to read the Royals lips during the ceremony!! What...! And like everyone else, I fell in love with Harry... Man, he's such a bad boy... and that car idea, putting balloons on it, genius.

The Phone

 

Yes. you may have heard about the phone. Since getting over here I've been having a bit of trouble with my phone (it not being unlocked and all) so had to splurge on a new one for £1... I could not have been happier when the cashier pointed out which phone I had just purchased at such a bargain basement price... His hand pointed towards the stand and my eyes lighted on the phone picture above, The Commemorative Wills and Kate Alcatel Special. It was as though all my dreams had come true. Not only was this phone kitted out with a cover bearing the couples entwined initials on the back, but also their photo as the background. Who cares about not having dictionary when your rign tone is automatically set to 'God Save the Queen'... sheer joy.

Medication
Having learnt a little from Patto about how to be 'Reem' (bogan/chav word for hot) I think we were pretty well prepared for Medication, which can only be described as unbelievable. Thousands of people packed into a club which plays all the latest hits from J-Lo and sells suspiciously home-brew seeming alcohol to unsuspecting customers. Whilst some opted for costume and most normal clothes, I did appreciate that the club had shelled out some money to hire 'Reem Girls' (pictured below):

Whilst I'm not sure what exactly was required of their job description, I think it went along the lines of 'Wear Little, Look Hot'. Basically clad in underwear, Reem girls walked around the club to general cattle calling or standing up on stage looking disinterested as they swayed to the beat on their 11 inch heels.
More interestingly, there was a fight. This is how it began. Our host, Will Gudgeon, recalled in introducing us to the club ' oh no, I've never seen a fight there'.... Amy, however, decides that it's hilarious to shove back someone who had incosiderately jostled her on the dance-floor. Using her derrier to it's full effect, she actually managed to push one guy A into guy B. Guy B is suitably unimpressed and therefore mouths something (admist the music din) to the effect of 'What the F*&$ are you doing?' to which Guy A's response is a simple punch in the face. oops.

The Night We Slept in a Stranger's Garage
Having already labelled ourselves pre-hike the 'no gear, no idea' crew, we knew that there were probably going to be some mishaps. The first of which was on our first night in Ulverston, a little town which we had planned to camp before we started the hike.
Problem 1: We reach Ulverston and there are no campsites that take people with tents.
Problem 2: It's just started raining
Problem 3: As we walk into various establishments we realise that no one has any rooms.
crap.
Luckily, on the train to Ulverston we had met a nice French teacher who after graciously suggesting some good pubs along the Cumbria Way also offered that if push came to shove he'd find us somewhere to stay. Naturally, in this hour of desperation, we call him. He says he'll call back. Our hopes aren't looking up as it appears that we've been stood up, gotten the old 'I'll call you...' line before we even went on date... Luckily, Scott rang back and offered us some space at his parents house, just out of town! An awkward but funny and relieving meeting ensued as we ventured out to the little township of Scales, where we were greeted and offered the garage floor! yes! We couldn't be happier! And with a cup of tea in the morning and a lift into town we were stoked. Thank you universe.

ART-WANK
Ok. So I've exceeded myself here so can't really be bothered writing up all the things I've seen. Here's a brief run-down:

• Ai Wei Wei's installation at the Tate Modern, London. Literally thousands of hand-crafted porcelain sunflower seeds all splayed ou on he floor.
• David Goldblatt's apartheid photojournalism at the V and A
• Light Nights Festival. An Arts festival in Liverpool which had everything from grass-roots type installations and photography to works in the The Bluecoat, all in different venues across town 
• The Tate Liverpool. A seriously good sculpture collection which had in it everything from Dali's Lobster phone to one of the replica's of Duchamp's Urinal.
• National Gallery- and who better to take me around the Medieval Art Section then the great Matthew Champion.
• British Museum-Exhibition on drawing from Picasso to Mehretu which highlighted the necessary use of drawing, still, amongst artists across all types of mediums.

Thanks for listening. Please send through emails with what you're up to! amylouisehaywood@gmail.com

Missing you all.

A Post About the Posts to Come

Why Hello there!

Just thought I'd do some explaining about how I intend to set this blog out. For time's sake I have decided that it shall be dividing my blog into sections for easy reading's sake. The sections are as follows:

THE BRIEF
As it sounds. A brief run-down on what I've been doing/where I've been going/who I met/what trouble was caused... this is so that people who can't be bothered reading a great deal of text cough*Nick (I looked at your emails, but there was just too many words) MacRae* doesn't have to trawl through all that tripe that I'm going to put up on the net.

POINTS OF INTEREST
Things that need or deserve further explanation.

ART-WANK
The low-down on various exhibitions/museums and the like that I've been too. Turn away now most of you who cannot stand the simple mention of 'typically ironic comment on contemporary sculpture'... or the like

Here goes....